Children of Divorce

Over and over we see suicide in the news. The BART trains are stopped by someone who threw himself or herself in front of the train. An architect I knew lost his girlfriend and drank himself into oblivion. My trombone teacher shot himself. Another friend lost her sister in a drowning accident and her father ended his life with a shotgun finding himself unable to overcome his grief. Another friend of mine lost his mother to suicide.

Poor people. Rich people. Middle class. Musicians. Actors. Business tycoons. Old. Young. Children.

Over and over we hear about single fathers and single mothers not only committing suicide but we listen in horror to learn of them taking their children with them.

Some try to reason this all away by saying that the craziness that caused them to do such terrible things was probably the cause of the divorce. But, what if the divorce was the cause of the craziness?

So often we hear about angry, violent abuse. But, how many times have we heard of someone suffering that for years without divorcing, refusing to divorce, afraid to divorce? And, then when the abused spouse leaves and files for divorce, so often it seems the abuser feels grief and repents and desperately wants to find ways to overcome this problem in hopes of saving the marriage.

But, how many times have you heard of a faithful and good spouse sacrificing for years to keep a marriage together while the other spouse plays around, cuts down their self-worth, threatens divorce to control them, degrades them, then finally leaves with another lover, and then suddenly all the anger bottled up in the faithful spouse for years or decades suddenly comes out with intense anger and pain?

When you see how much unfairness there is and how much loss there is and how much hopelessness there is for the victim of adultery and divorce who becomes the victim of the state as well, is it any wonder that some people go crazy and become violent? I would be surprised if this didn't happen. We're lucky it doesn't happen more often. And, if this plague of unfaithfulness continues, I would not want to presume to estimate how violent things may get in our society as hurt people with bottled up emotions begin to pour out their anger on society.

We need to bring the plague of divorce to a halt!

But, if many adults find it impossible to cope with the loss and injustices, what about the children?

If your child becomes suicidal because you chose to divorce your spouse, can you live with that? Could you live knowing that an affair you chose to go into cost your children their happiness and led them to suicide?

Some say that children will be OK with proper support and counseling. Usually that notion provides no benefit to the children or anyone except for the person looking to be isolated from the pain he or she causes the children.

If we want to reduce suicide among adults and children and teens, the one most vital place to start is by strengthening marriages and getting rid of the incentives for divorce.