Divorce - The Ultimate Abuse

Many times when something as horrible as a divorce is forced upon us and we have to face all the injustices and abuses associated with it, it is easy to become angry with God.

But, is the answer to forgive God? Is it our place to do so? What part did God play in our divorces?

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When my wife began her affair and divorced me for another man, I felt anger, fear, and pain as I had never felt it before pointed in every direction. I was angry with my wife, with myself, with the other man, and angry with God. About the only person I did not become angry with was my daughter, and I wanted her to know without a doubt that this divorce was not her fault.

My relationship with God really suffered. At first, I begged and pleaded for God to restore my marriage. Then I prayed fiercely for God to strike the other man dead. Literally. And, I became angry with God when this affair did not end. I questioned God's sincerity of love for me. I questioned His competence. I questioned His ability. I mocked Him, yelled at Him, even cursed at Him and told Him to get out of my life and asked Him if He were real to strike me dead. After all, if He could not save my marriage and make life on earth more decent, how could I trust Him to be willing or able to make Heaven worth going to?

I called out to Him and said, "If there be a loving and competent God in heaven, then this affair will end and my marriage will be restored NOW!!!" I wanted to commit suicide, but I feared I would go to hell, and if hell was worse than my divorce experience, I didn't want to go there. But, I still carried bitterness in my heart toward God, toward my nation and it's divorce system, toward family court judges and divorce attorneys, toward those who promoted divorce, toward all unfaithful spouses, and toward anyone who even tried to suggest that divorce and adultery were anything but the behavior of hell bound philanderers. When Sandy Patti had an affair and divorced her husband, I burned the music book she autographed for me and wanted nothing of hers in my house. When she appeared on TV, I changed the channel and I completely lost respect for the program she appeared on.

This was the most bitter time of my life. How is a person to forgive? Who should we forgive?

Should we forgive God? It might seem better than holding bitterness toward God. But, that isn't the right way to see it. With God, there is nothing to forgive. Healing has nothing to do with forgiving God, but realizing that God never did anything wrong to offend us in the first place. We need our faith restored instead.

When we're dealing with the government or with our spouses divorcing us, it's different. They cheated us. They offended us. They forced injustice upon us, and we need a way to forgive them. We offended ourselves, too, and we need to forgive ourselves. But, it is important to know God's intentions were always good, His competence was always there, He always loved us, and He did not cause our divorces to happen.

When God created us, He gave us free will. We can be faithful or unfaithful. We can divorce or stay true to the vows we gave. We can hurt people or be nice to them. And, if someone punches our nose, we don't blame God for not stopping it. And, what we do with our freedom speaks to heaven of who we are.

For us to become overcomers, we have to have something great to overcome. To have a great victory, we need a great battle. The greatest love, patience, praise, and expressions of character have their display in the midst of the heaviest tribulations as it is much easier to trust and praise God when life is pleasant than when we're in the midst of the utmost pain of divorce.

So, it is not our place to forgive God but to repent of letting our divorces get us into a horrible attitude toward God. We need to repent of not trusting Him through these miserable times and not believing in His ability to come through even when it seems like its too late and our families have already been destroyed.

And, when we suffer the great pain of betrayal, we have an opportunity to learn of the love of Christ in a deeper way. We feel some of the betrayal He felt from us when He was dying on the cross for our sins betrayed and abandoned by us, disgraced by us, mocked, abused, and crucified by those He died for even knowing that many would still rather go to hell than to spend eternity with Him after He had died for them.

Knowing that Jesus loves our unfaithful loved ones, we should also love them. That doesn't mean we should approve of what they do or accept or condone it, but we should love them caring for them even if we don't feel love for them romantically for what they did.